QUARTERLY INSIGHTS ON HOW TO ACHIEVE FINANCIAL HARMONY IN THE HOME

Q4 2025

Family Conversations

QUESTIONS OLDER PARENTS SHOULD ASK THEIR ADULT CHILDREN

QUESTIONS ADULTS SHOULD ASK THEIR AGING PARENTS

FOR TEENS & KIDS

Nobody likes talking about money, even or especially when such conversations are kept “inside the house.” The topic of finance is often a taboo one, either because we’re afraid it might lead to arguments or because it’s easier just to sweep things under the rug and tell ourselves that we’ll deal with it later.

But having open and honest conversations about money — between partners and between generations — is one of the best and healthiest ways to ensure financial harmony in the home. It can reduce stress, confusion, and resentment. Most importantly, it can help families move significantly closer towards their financial goals. That’s because these conversations enable each family member to move in the same direction rather than in opposing directions. It’s the economic equivalent of four-wheel drive!

Over the next few editions of Family & Finance, we’ll break down some of the most important financial conversations your family can have. In this issue, we’ll focus on the questions family members should ask each other. Enjoy!

As you get older, the idea of leaving a legacy is likely to have crossed your mind more than once. This is where estate planning comes in. But often estate plans are made without consulting those who will be most affected by them: your children.

Whether it’s determining how you want to be cared for once you reach a certain age, what charities you want your money to go to, or even just who gets the family’s prized snow globe collection, it’s so important to involve your adult children in the estate planning process. And the best way to start is by asking specific questions to find out what they want, what they need, what they are worried about, and what they need to know.

Of course, the questions that parents should ask will be different for each family, but here are some classic ones to get you started:

1. “Are you willing to be my executor?” Or, alternatively, “Are you okay if someone else is?”

Choosing an executor is one of the most important estate planning decisions you can make, but it’s certainly not one to take lightly. That’s because being an executor is a big job — and a very detail-oriented one.

Many people select one of their kids to fill the role. Sometimes, this is the right choice...and sometimes, it isn’t.

And in some cases, not selecting your child — or choosing one but not the other — can lead to hurt feelings and resentment. For this reason, it’s essential to talk with your children to discuss whether they want the role, have time for it, and have the skills for it.

2. “What do you most want to keep after I’m gone?” Whether it’s a priceless family heirloom or a random object that has more sentimental value than monetary value, you need to have a plan for who gets what after you pass away. That’s why it’s important to have a family meeting to discuss:

• Which specific items do you intend to pass on?
• If there are specific items individual family members want, or items that nobody wants.
• When ownership will and should be passed on.
• If people can’t agree on who gets grandma’s precious stones or the family silverware, whether they prefer to sell it and divvy up the proceeds, or donate it to a museum or charity.

These are not always questions that can be answered in a single sitting. But by having discussions about them now, you will reduce feelings of jealousy and spite later — two emotions that kill the possibility of financial harmony in the home.

3. “Do you have any opinions about my long-term care?” The topic of long-term care is a discussion everyone must have with themselves eventually. But whether you live in your own home for the entirety of your life, move in with a child or other relative, or relocate to a retirement or assisted living facility, your long-term care decisions will affect your children, too.  

Now, your own needs and wishes are obviously the priority when planning for your long-term care. But you should still find out how your family feels. What are they worried about? How will your various options affect them financially? What does everyone want to prioritize? Autonomy? Safety? Closeness? Comfort? This is an emotional topic, so it’s essential for everyone to be open about their feelings — and to remember that those feelings all come from a place of love.

4. “Are you aware of what I want?” The previous questions all have something in common: They’re about finding out what your children think and feel. But equally important is what you think and feel as you grow older. The lifestyle you want to live, the activities you want to do, how you want to be seen, treated, and talked to... your emotions and preferences are as valid now as ever, and they deserve respect.

But it’s easy to keep these thoughts and emotions to yourself — where they won’t do anybody any good! In our experience, most families want to work together and accommodate one another, but it all depends on open, honest communication. As you have these conversations with your children and solicit their feelings and desires, make sure you always share yours, too.

QUICK TIP

It’s rare, but sometimes multiple children want to serve as the executor. While you can appoint more than one person, you should be very cautious about doing so, as it can complicate rather than simplify the situation. A rule of thumb is to only appoint more than one executor if there is a logistical reason to do so. For instance, if no one person has the time to do it on their own. Or if you have family, property, and assets in two different areas of the country, requiring a separate executor for each.

Likely, your parents have spent decades planning, saving, investing, and building. That means their financial lives can be quite intricate, even complicated. Which means there’s a lot for you to know to ensure they are taken care of...and that the legacies they’ve built last for generations to come. Here are some of the most important questions to ask them, grouped by category. (NOTE: You do not and should not ask all these at once, but as the need arises.)

1. Questions About Their Plans

The son, who assumed he would get the family cabin after his parents passed, only to learn they had decided to sell it instead. The daughter who assumed her dad was completely set up for retirement and would be able to help pick up the kids from school...only to learn he had taken on too much risk, hadn’t recovered from the last bear market, and would have to work for another two years. Scenarios like these are all too common, which is why it’s so crucial we don’t make assumptions and, instead, have concrete discussions with our parents about their plans. Here are some of the questions you should ask:

• When do you plan to retire?
• Where do you plan on spending most of your time?
• How do you plan on maintaining your standard of living? Will you rely mainly on Social Security, or will you need to tap into your principal?
• What does your asset allocation look like? Do you have any concerns that you have too much risk, OR that you may run out of money?
• Have you signed up for Medicare?
• Do you have a will, and is it up to date?
• Have you determined who will be the executor of your estate?
• What are your plans for the house?
• What steps have you taken to keep your estate out of probate?

2. Questions About Their Wishes

In some cases, your parents may not have specific plans for every aspect of their lives, financial and otherwise. But you can bet they have wants and wishes. These wishes may be anything from how they want to live to how they want to be treated to what will happen to the family name after they are gone. But oftentimes, these wishes go unspoken and unexpressed...which leads to frustration, miscommunication, and sometimes decisions between generations that are at odds with each other. To learn about those wants and wishes, try asking these questions:

• If I ever become concerned about your memory or your ability to take care of yourself, what’s the best way for me to talk with you about it?
• Are you living the kind of retirement lifestyle you intended? If not, what can I do to help?
• Do you have any specific funeral or burial desires I should know about?

3. Questions About Locations and Contact Information

This last category is a no-brainer. If there’s ever an emergency or an unexpected death in the family, the last thing you want is to spend your time trying to hunt down folders, keys, passwords, and phone numbers. Remember how your parents used to keep a list of emergency phone numbers on the fridge for the babysitter? This is like that — except the list is for you, and it should go far beyond just numbers.

Here are some of the questions you need to ask to ensure you know where your parents’ essential files, documents, and other important information are stored.

• Where is your will located?
• Where do you keep copies of your insurance policies and trust documents?
• Who has your medical power of attorney?
• Where is the key to your safety deposit box kept?
• Do you have any passwords I need to know about?
• Can I have the contact information for any attorneys or medical professionals you work with?
• What assets do you have, and where are they kept?
• Who is your financial advisor? Can I meet them?
• Are there any files, folders, or safes with important documents that I don’t know about?

FAMILY FINANCIAL FACTS

Over 90% of adults over the age of fifty say that it is important to have updated legal documents like a will...however, only 51% of adults over 50 report currently having one. Meanwhile, 25% of Americans say that estate planning ranked in the top most difficult topics to discuss with family, while only 17% have discussed who will inherit their possessions.

SOURCE: AARP & Talker Research

Minich MacGregor Wealth Management
21 Congress Street, Suite 203
Saratoga Springs, NY 12866

(518) 499-4565

www.mmwealth.com